Whether it's because I am swamped with reading through past modules on gender, society and representation, or having spoken to a few people about this topic in general I have been thinking about the concept of forgiveness and the truth behind it.
There are so many reasons people want to be forgiven. Some do it because they are overwhelmed with guilt and cannot move forward in their life until they feel peace has been made. Others are forced somewhat into the situation by others (friends, family etc.) bringing their actions to light and imposing a sort of guilt trip into doing something about it. Some are genuinely sorry for what they have done and what to make up for it by apologising and attempting to make right what went wrong. There are more reasons...
However, the worst type of "sorry" for me, is the completely SELFISH type. It's almost a mix of everything already mentioned, bar the selfless parts...
The type of sorry that only wants to BE forgiven.
The sorry that cares not about the person who has been wronged, but only on moving forward, solo, arranging their life pieces back to how it used to be, as if nothing happened.
The sorry that doesn't actually acknowledge or understand what they did wrong, but only that they "should" apologise because someone told them to.
The sorry that finds them saying more promises.....left empty.
The sorry that includes....."I'm sorry....BUT...."
In my opinion, a sorry is not so much about saying it. It is the reason behind it. Why are you sorry? Why are you apologising now? Timing is important but not the be all and end all. Hence why the film "The Kite Runner" was so powerful, because even after the shameful actions, years later the man was truly sorry and wanted to attempt to make up for what he did.
No matter how many days, weeks or even years pass, if someone is truly sorry for something they did wrong to someone, it is never too late to apologise.
and mean it.
All of which cannot be done, before the person has forgiven themself as only then can they truly understand the extremities of their actions and therefore the consequences.
When ppl want to apologise, it should never be because they simply want to be forgiven. Some ppl truly want to make up for their actions, but not make up, maybe just balance the karma, or make peace between the two people.
ReplyDeletePersonally I believe some people should be forgiven, but others don't deserve the privilege to be bestowed upon them.
Make of it what you will, harsh it may sound, but forgiveness, like respect, is earned.